I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize