so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
