I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
