6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
