We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry my hands just texted you
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The uberlube is also flammable
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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