Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
