I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
