Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I want a musical about memes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize