I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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