I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
