Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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