You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
