i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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