Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
