Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize