for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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