Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
