I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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