If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
