yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can you bring me the toilet please
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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