fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize