last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
