I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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