So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
