The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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