you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
