oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
