If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
