"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize