He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Found the puke drawer
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
