smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
