Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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