is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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