dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
