Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
