i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
