I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
