I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
