did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
