Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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