Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize