I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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