I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
