So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize