It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
