The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
