Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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