First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
