woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
