So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
