hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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