she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
