Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
