i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
