i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
