I should be sponsored by Trojan
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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