and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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