so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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