i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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