Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
