I skipped work to stalk him.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
