Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
