who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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