Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
