Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
