You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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