he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
