I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
