I wish I could teleport
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
