he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
